YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
