I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
