a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
