God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
