so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
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It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
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It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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