can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
This house was built for laser tag.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
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Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
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you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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