Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
