I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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