i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
