hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
