I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
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Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
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And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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