you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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