i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
