im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
