I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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