after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
