I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
