nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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