i barfeds in our rink
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
