The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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