i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's never too late to be topless.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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