let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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