maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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