WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i love accidental penises.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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