I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
