Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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