So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This is the high leading the old right now
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Randomize
