roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
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