Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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