Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
