I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
