Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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