I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
