I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize
