he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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