i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
