Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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