Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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