He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
