Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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