Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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