The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The power of my boobs compel you
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
