Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just forgot I was standing up.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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