I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
