He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
