words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You dont lie about slip and slides
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
