Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
