My hair reeks of homosexuality.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
