I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
