These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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