Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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