Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
