I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
