Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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