you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Your dad touched me again.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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