In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
