omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize