shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
this is an emotional support booty call
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
