Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
