she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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