omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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