yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Me too!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
