so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
