Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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