i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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