i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
