barbara walters just said penis...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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