matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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