ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Randomize
