Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
