I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
