I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well I just put wine in my tea
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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