my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
